Should I Stay or Should I go

In May of 2014, I wanted to moved to London. Out of nowhere I came across the first offering of the LAMDA Fulbright scholarship. I spent months preparing my application. I didn’t get in. While I was sad, I knew it wasn’t time for me to leave Los Angeles yet. 2015 was a year of transition, ugly desert days and WTF moments.

Then a year later, Tim & Lindsey tell me they’re moving to London. Again, I asked God to send me to London. I re-read my past application and saw all the glaring generalities and flaws. This time I spent months preparing, getting feedback, revising, asking people to pray for my process and studying my monologues. I didn’t get in. While I was sad, I knew that God’s timing is perfect and this wasn’t the way to go if I’m to go.

In these last two years, I’ve really wanted to move to London. Last summer I really started praying about it and inviting friends into this wish. It was scary to let others know that I wanted this because if it doesn’t happen, it could seem embarrassing or premature. But as I opened up about why I wanted to go and what I could see myself doing there, I saw all the purposes and plans for me to be faithful and invested exactly where I was. In my prayers to move to London, I have fallen deeper in love with Los Angeles and I am committed to my city.

This new desire to be faithful where I was, replaced my bitterness with gratitude at my service job, renewed my overwhelming artist life with exciting purpose, restructured my community of friends with an openness to connect all over. I love Los Angeles because I love the people here. People here want more, hope for more, endure in the messy, create even in doubt. I am right here in LA, right now. That said, when God told Abraham to go, he picked up and went. Abraham was wealthy, known, connected and rooted in his community but when God said GO, he was ready and he went.

How can we live in the tension of radical openness to change and deep investment in the present? How can make the best of those things in our hands while having our hands open?

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